Thursday, May 16, 2013

Bite your tongue...

As an official grown-up in the Wolf family, it's my job to question bold statements made by younger Wolf's.  When Jack Busy Wolf tells me, prehistoric Rhino's are real, I scour the web for images.  When Ashton Honorary Wolf says, you can't setup a Minecraft server on XBOX, I fire up Google.  Why?  I don't know.  Do those little punks think they know better than me?  No way!  How can they know more about X, Y, or Z when I have so many more years of life under my belt?  I know, I know...  be the grown-up, nourish their intellect, blah, blah, blah...  It's instinct and I have no control over it.  The urge to question them is always present.

Grandpa, me, and Caleb walk to an ant hill
Case in point...  During a regular visit to Pawnee Rock, Caleb Idolized Wolf, my younger brother of 10 years, explains a fairly bold truth.  I would even go so far as to say it's beyond bold.  It's neighboring ludicrousness.  Possibly plaid.  He says to us, "ants won't bite if you're biting your tongue."  I Mature Wolf just smirk.  Did he just say that?  Even now I remember thinking, Caleb's 22, not 8 like Rhino boy.  How can he throw such a slow lob  statement over the home plate that is my questioning maturity?  Anywho, I don't hesitate.  Ha!  Impossible!  That makes no sense.  I even fire up my phone's Chrome browser to prove this falsity doesn't exist on the vast collection of bits and bytes across the globe.  All the while, he's going on and on about how true it is.  Low and behold, Google has never heard of this ant bite prevention method.  I victoriously deliver the sad news to Caleb.  He only responds with, "I'll prove it."

Grandpa and I waiting to laugh

I'm excited.  I can't wait to watch him get bit.  We walk out into the pasture, where Caleb Brave Wolf proceeds to stick his hand in an ant hill.  He wiggles his hand to aggravate the ants and they immediately begin to populate on his hand.  All the while, he's biting his tongue.  Strangely enough, they're not biting him.  50 plus ants camp out on his hand for what seems like 15 seconds.  Finally, he shakes them off, releases his tongue from tooth grip, and smiles.  No bites.  I Confused Wolf don't know what to say.  I don't believe it.  I mean, I literally don't believe it because I still won't go through the act of letting ants crawl all over me, whilst biting my tongue.  This defies all that I know.

Grandpa becomes a believer

My father Grandpa Wolf is starting to believe.  He has seen some semblance of proof.  For him, there's only one test left.  He has to try it himself.  Biting his tongue, he sticks his hand in the ant hill.  He lets them crawl on him for over 20 seconds.  He finally shakes the ants from his hand and releases his tongue.  Grandpa is bite free.  No red marks.  No swelling.  Nothing.  It was as if by biting his tongue, he became one with the ants.  As they crawl on his flesh, they somehow feel the incisor connection that only a tongue can provide.  They know not to bite.

At this point, my smile is straying from laughter's doorstep and is headed for anxious town.  It's two to one.  I'm losing this battle.  I Nervous Wolf am left with only one option.  I have to bite my tongue.  JJ Future Wolf is there to record it.

After all is said and done, through physically biting my tongue, I Mature Wolf might be one step closer to actually biting my tongue.

1 comment:

  1. Now THAT is a very interesting story & I am a believer but...don't think that I will try it!?!? Your story is enuff proof for me!!